Relationships. We often struggle to
determine their specific cost-benefit ratio before we even begin on the
journey. The problem with this is the fact that we often forget to factor in
TIME and the possibility for CHANGE into this equation, and we end up just
going with the flow anyway. Some people believe that being in a relationship is
limiting in nature. That the effort it takes to truly make a relationship work
just really isn’t worth it. So they stay single and very often times unhappy. (Not
always, but definitely often.) From the outside looking in, people in
relationships often seem blissfully in love with each other and that their
lives are extraordinarily perfect. It’s sickening isn’t it? Truth be told
however, every couple is riddled with their own plethora of issues—not all will
admit it, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t exist.
Fact:
What you don’t see or hear is typically where the problem lays. We are often taught to focus primarily
on the written and verbal langue that is presented to us in everyday
conversations. In my opinion however, it is drastically more important to
consider the non-verbal cues we often overlook. Unless someone opens up to you
unconditionally you will never be able to truly understand what a person is
thinking or feeling. As a result, communication is one of the biggest parts of
the foundation of a successful relationship. Without it, trouble is bound to
brew beneath the skin. Everyone’s relationship is bound to look different. For
example, long distance relationships actually make communication one the most
vital factors for success and longevity. On the other hand, in a more constant
interactional relationship, other significant factors emerge that become
necessary for success.
Fact:
Modern media and social pressure often overshadows the general idea of what a
relationship is supposed to look like. This is where things start to get out of control. Every
single person on this planet has a vision of what a relationship should and
should not be. And since no two individuals are exactly alike, neither are
their specific interpretations of what a relationship is. As a young adult, I have experienced my
share of relationships, both good and bad. But what matters most is taking what
you’ve learned in those bad situations and applying that to your future
endeavors. It tends to work out well. For example, in high school, everything
was short lived. So when I was in a relationship we tended to count every week….
And by count I mean celebrate. No
joke. I specifically recall one relationship where I wrote out a card for this
guy for our 1 month 3 week anniversary. Sounds dumb right? That’s probably
because it was... Needless to say we ended up breaking up shortly there after
for reasons I don’t even remember. As I’ve grown in terms of relationship experience and life
lessons, I have discovered that the weekly / monthly celebrations don’t seem as
significant. I wonder if that’s the maturity level kicking in. Because at 23
years of life, I’ve managed to become increasingly conscious about finances,
time investments and all the general hardships of life. It seems at this age we
are constantly surprised if anyone is willing to make any sort of commitment to
begin with. And so therein lies the problem.
Like
I stated in my last blog, everyone likes to $#!+ on the nice guy. That in
itself makes the journey a little rough for those who actually believe and
still practice in the nearly dead exercise of chivalry. The social construct of
what a woman is supposed to look for in the opposite sex is typical of a
fantasy. A seemingly unobtainable concept doused in pixie dust and cinematic
undertones. The problem here is the fact that we now have two opposite ends of
the spectrum that we are expected to believe exists with no room for interpretation
of the middlemen. Fact: Far more
men exist in between the extremes of prince charming and the hardrockin’ badass
than we choose to admit. Same goes for the perception of women. There are far
more women that exist between the spectrum of beach blonde bombshell and the
disheveled brunette bookworm. As a result I often wonder why we consciously
waste our time searching for one or the other when the mother load of
opportunity exists in between. But then I came up with a possible reason. We
legitimately THINK we have to. Even if it isn’t a direct thought [aka
unconscious] it is STILL a thought—and it just so happens to be one that
society strategically developed within us over time. Weird to think about how
our subconscious develops without our explicit consent, right?
One
of my biggest pet peeves in regards to the socio-relationship construct that is
shoved down our throats is the idea that women have a specific job and
respectively, so do men. In my own personal experience I don’t understand what
is so taboo about making your relationship a partnership—an enriched divide of
responsibilities, ideas and support systems. I understand the appeal for a
woman to let a man support her and shower her with lavish gifts. [It’s nice to
be praised every once in a while. Even Charlie Sheen had “Goddesses.”] But for
me, I’m better off helping to sustain the relationship. Just like at work or in
school, I can’t sit still. [No, I was never diagnosed with ADD, I just didn’t
like feeling like deadweight...] My mother always encouraged me to be
independent so being a part of a unit, in a relationship sometimes came as a
struggle…but not for the typical reasons. I liked splitting things down the
middle. Being a contributor from time to time in any way I could. Relationships are an investment. Love,
time, money, and even blood sweat and tears often go into the recipe for a
reasonable relationship. As long as both parties are equally willing to invest
themselves, things will tend to work out. Most times.
My
purpose in writing this blog was to explore the thoughts that were brewing in
my brain in regards to the differentiating approaches to creating and
maintaining relationships. I doubt that any questions you may have had were
clarified but I’m content enough in knowing I probably got you to ask yourself
some more questions. I’ll leave you with 4 wise words I once heard and ignored
for lack of understanding…. [Until recently]
Live
And
Let
Live.
☮ ♥ & ♫
