Like mother like daughter

While I have never given birth to a child, let alone been in a serious enough of a relationship to get married and then begin thinking of having one…. I have seen a lot of people I know begin their lives in a new chapter this year. From engagements and marriages to babies and house purchases… I've begun to hit the point where everyone is growing up and moving forward around me.  So I decided to reflect on what my life would look like when I'm finally blessed with those moments… Today, I decided to focus in particular on the idea of my future daughter. I say future because I'm not pregnant, and I just KNOW I'm having a girl anyway. And if you were wondering, Yes, I already have her name picked out.  Anyway…. here it goes….

When I have a daughter, I will pray endlessly that she never has to endure the pain I’ve endured prior to her birth.

I vow to support and cherish her beyond her wildest of dreams and aspirations, and let her know that, “anything is possible” is more than just a saying to live by. 

I will cradle her in my arms only when she needs it most, and push her beyond the limitations she has created, because my daughter—Is going to be great.

My daughter will be strong and compassionate, educated and helpful. She will see beyond the years of her age and deep within the people she meets. She will step on the toes of the status quo and be the leader her female predecessors encouraged her to be.

When I have a daughter, I will pray endlessly that she shall want for nothing.

I vow to advise her with the wisdom I’ve gained and have the patience to allow her to explore on her own.

I will teach my daughter right from wrong whilst encouraging her to question, why. She will be inquisitive and firm, standing among a forest of redwoods. She will continuously reach for the stars and be convinced that each day she’s one step closer.

My daughter will not accept things as they are. But rather, seek alternate options to improve upon what is established—not only for herself, but for others as well.

When I have a daughter, I will pray endlessly that she knows not of loneliness or alienation. The sting of inevitable and occasional failure will be brief and motivating.

I vow to put her needs beyond my own and attempt to be at every curtain call, game, match and recital in which she participates

I will remember every birthday and milestone with pictures and a celebration

My daughter will succeed where I have fallen and travel the places I’ve never dared. She will be my inspiration and my pride.

 When I have a daughter, she will begin a new chapter in a book she has yet to write.

 ☮ ♥ & ♫

Curiosity did not kill the cat… rather it may have drove him MAD

Many have journeyed the path of curiosity…. Others have feared what they would find… so who then really wins? Is it true then, the saying that, “ignorance is bliss?” Is it better to not know what has the potential to alter our lives, as we know it?

It is human nature to crave one of two life paths. You can choose a life of overwhelming consistency or one of constant change. Regardless of what the choice becomes, the journey will always be different. And by that, I mean to say, that no two people will experience the same thing, even if they choose the same path.  As alike as we are as a race or society, we are also individually and inherently different. This comes with a variety of aspects in life… For example, from the way we deal with emotions or issues to the motive behind a political view, the justifications for each situation will be varied.

They say that someone who lives a cautionary life is one who never truly lives…. But what is to be said of those who engage life with a seemingly careless regard? Time is progressive, and life therefore, is forcibly so. What then, is to be done with those who choose consistency? Those who choose to protect themselves from change, and the ability to be vulnerable? Just how many changes is a free willed person capable of handling at one period in time? I fear that we will never know; at least not for certain.

The irony of it all boils down to the fact that the only thing CONSTANT in life is CHANGE. So how do we embrace the life we’ve chosen to lead when the choice was never ours to begin with?

For the longest time, I was certain that I was in charge of my life and all the potential turns it could take. I was aware that life had the potential to be unpredictable, but I assured myself that no matter what was thrown at me and when, I’d always have the ability to come to a solution; logically, of course. However, as life and time have progressed concurrently, I have come to the realization that I am in no way, shape, or form, in control. Instead of embracing the idea of pro-activity, I was without a doubt, forced to be reactive.

In my life I have learned that I have a certain characteristic, or ability rather, that can be deemed as either a blessing or a curse. It really depends on how you decide to look at it. I am a people watcher by nature. I enjoy just watching people go about their daily lives and wondering what causes them to make certain decisions… (I guess I should have studied a little more sociology or anthropology in college…) I have a habit of watching the people who are close to me more than others however…. Obviously, it’s only because I care about them more than anyone else… so I often wonder if by watching them, I can learn how to be the best friend / confidant, sister, daughter or girlfriend that I am capable of being…

However I’ve consistently run into an interesting problem…. As I watch those who are close to me from the sidelines… I‘ve learned things that sometimes, I’d ultimately rather not know. And though I may tell myself that it’s no big deal, my subconscious loves to play upon my over-active mind and the abstract thoughts it produces… which ends up really putting a damper on my relationships and subsequent interactions with other individuals….

I then find myself constantly asking… “Would it have been better if I was oblivious and I never knew?” or “Now that I know, will it be easier to make a decision that may effect the rest of my life?” And as it can be easily predicted, I still haven’t found a definitive answer for either question.

So herein lies the problem. I am also a thinker by nature. So much so, that when I begin to think about something, there is almost absolutely no way to get me to stop thinking about it until I have come to understand every intricate detail of it. (Basically, the who, what, when where and most importantly, why.) Thus, here I am, plagued by the choices I could make and the potential outcomes of each, along with how the involved parties would respond…. Day in and day out wondering why and what if, based on the logical propositions of my over-active mind as they constantly and most ferociously, attack the deeply compelling, heart-felt ideas proposed by my heart…

Now I beg, where should I stand? Do I proceed cautiously and ride out the wave to see how it ends up, just to maintain a false sense of consistency? Or do I challenge the status quo and battle uncertainty until the death?

I’m afraid, I’ll never rightly know.

☮ ♥ & ♫

L is for the way you LOOK @ Me….

Relationships. We often struggle to determine their specific cost-benefit ratio before we even begin on the journey. The problem with this is the fact that we often forget to factor in TIME and the possibility for CHANGE into this equation, and we end up just going with the flow anyway. Some people believe that being in a relationship is limiting in nature. That the effort it takes to truly make a relationship work just really isn’t worth it. So they stay single and very often times unhappy. (Not always, but definitely often.) From the outside looking in, people in relationships often seem blissfully in love with each other and that their lives are extraordinarily perfect. It’s sickening isn’t it? Truth be told however, every couple is riddled with their own plethora of issues—not all will admit it, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t exist.

            Fact: What you don’t see or hear is typically where the problem lays.  We are often taught to focus primarily on the written and verbal langue that is presented to us in everyday conversations. In my opinion however, it is drastically more important to consider the non-verbal cues we often overlook. Unless someone opens up to you unconditionally you will never be able to truly understand what a person is thinking or feeling. As a result, communication is one of the biggest parts of the foundation of a successful relationship. Without it, trouble is bound to brew beneath the skin. Everyone’s relationship is bound to look different. For example, long distance relationships actually make communication one the most vital factors for success and longevity. On the other hand, in a more constant interactional relationship, other significant factors emerge that become necessary for success.

            Fact: Modern media and social pressure often overshadows the general idea of what a relationship is supposed to look like.  This is where things start to get out of control. Every single person on this planet has a vision of what a relationship should and should not be. And since no two individuals are exactly alike, neither are their specific interpretations of what a relationship is.  As a young adult, I have experienced my share of relationships, both good and bad. But what matters most is taking what you’ve learned in those bad situations and applying that to your future endeavors. It tends to work out well. For example, in high school, everything was short lived. So when I was in a relationship we tended to count every week…. And by count I mean celebrate.  No joke. I specifically recall one relationship where I wrote out a card for this guy for our 1 month 3 week anniversary. Sounds dumb right? That’s probably because it was... Needless to say we ended up breaking up shortly there after for reasons I don’t even remember.  As I’ve grown in terms of relationship experience and life lessons, I have discovered that the weekly / monthly celebrations don’t seem as significant. I wonder if that’s the maturity level kicking in. Because at 23 years of life, I’ve managed to become increasingly conscious about finances, time investments and all the general hardships of life. It seems at this age we are constantly surprised if anyone is willing to make any sort of commitment to begin with. And so therein lies the problem.

            Like I stated in my last blog, everyone likes to $#!+ on the nice guy. That in itself makes the journey a little rough for those who actually believe and still practice in the nearly dead exercise of chivalry. The social construct of what a woman is supposed to look for in the opposite sex is typical of a fantasy. A seemingly unobtainable concept doused in pixie dust and cinematic undertones. The problem here is the fact that we now have two opposite ends of the spectrum that we are expected to believe exists with no room for interpretation of the middlemen.  Fact: Far more men exist in between the extremes of prince charming and the hardrockin’ badass than we choose to admit. Same goes for the perception of women. There are far more women that exist between the spectrum of beach blonde bombshell and the disheveled brunette bookworm. As a result I often wonder why we consciously waste our time searching for one or the other when the mother load of opportunity exists in between. But then I came up with a possible reason. We legitimately THINK we have to. Even if it isn’t a direct thought [aka unconscious] it is STILL a thought—and it just so happens to be one that society strategically developed within us over time. Weird to think about how our subconscious develops without our explicit consent, right?

            One of my biggest pet peeves in regards to the socio-relationship construct that is shoved down our throats is the idea that women have a specific job and respectively, so do men. In my own personal experience I don’t understand what is so taboo about making your relationship a partnership—an enriched divide of responsibilities, ideas and support systems. I understand the appeal for a woman to let a man support her and shower her with lavish gifts. [It’s nice to be praised every once in a while. Even Charlie Sheen had “Goddesses.”] But for me, I’m better off helping to sustain the relationship. Just like at work or in school, I can’t sit still. [No, I was never diagnosed with ADD, I just didn’t like feeling like deadweight...] My mother always encouraged me to be independent so being a part of a unit, in a relationship sometimes came as a struggle…but not for the typical reasons. I liked splitting things down the middle. Being a contributor from time to time in any way I could.  Relationships are an investment. Love, time, money, and even blood sweat and tears often go into the recipe for a reasonable relationship. As long as both parties are equally willing to invest themselves, things will tend to work out. Most times.

            My purpose in writing this blog was to explore the thoughts that were brewing in my brain in regards to the differentiating approaches to creating and maintaining relationships. I doubt that any questions you may have had were clarified but I’m content enough in knowing I probably got you to ask yourself some more questions. I’ll leave you with 4 wise words I once heard and ignored for lack of understanding…. [Until recently]

Live

And

Let

Live.

☮ ♥ & ♫

ICE is the foundation of NICE

Society: A complex body of individuals with somewhat like-minded ideas who ironically strive to achieve individuality whilst remaining illustrative of a unified community.  As a whole, our society tends to act with a mob-like mentality, but as individuals there exists a subtle difference.  In life, we are forced to discover ourselves each day through interpersonal relationships and incidents of mayhem. At the ripe age of 23 I feel I’ve been able to learn a great deal of things in life both about myself as well as others.  For example, I never understood what my mother had meant when she said that as I grew older, I would inexplicably end up with a far fewer amount of friends than I had when I was in grade school. Fact: People suck. Not all of them, but a handful of them do. (Quite literally in fact.) These are the people who you will eventually learn to distance yourself from only after falling victim to the alluring siren appeal they tricked you into believing in the first place. The way that I’ve come to understand life as it has played out to me thus far, however unfair, is that you must face disappointment many times first, before things just start to make sense. People included. Thankfully, overtime, your “life-filter” becomes active, and you can sift through all the B.S. and prevent future hardships but ignoring and excluding these people from your life altogether.

            It is often stated that nice guys finished last, or that they have somehow vanished from the face of the earth altogether. I have only recently begun to challenge this theory for a variety of reasons. Most of them are personal in nature, but applicable nonetheless. So let’s start at the beginning.  Nice guys, nay, NICE PEOPLE do in fact exist.  They appear to be limited in number but I think the reality of the matter is, they just materialize in different ways.  Example: everyone is capable of opening doors, allowing others to sit down when no seats are available, or smiling as a gesture of general kindness. But it is the rare and few who seek nothing in return. It is these people who not only do these actions without thinking, but also will accept the fact that nothing was given in return as a sign of gratitude. It is these individuals who no matter what kind of horrible day has transpired for them, they still manage to plaster a smile upon their face and treat others as close as kin. They have patience and an immeasurable amount of self-control.   Most people have limits. Very short ones even. These are the ones who appear nice and then very suddenly, something goes wrong and you’ve somehow now have a real live case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde on your hands. It takes only an instant, one job, one individual or one event to change a very nice person into a bitter, untrusting, pessimist. So my conclusion on this specific theory is that we’ve somehow as a society, managed to gradually in time but vastly in number turn the “nice guys” into life-sucking, inconsiderate, vindictive, lying individuals. 

            Fact: The world is so full of these spiteful individuals that we have somehow begun to ALWAYS question the validity for someone’s general kindness.  I’ve been told that you CAN in fact kill someone with kindness, though I’ve never seen it actually done before. On a personal note, I’m told almost on a daily basis that I’m TOO nice. I’ve wrestled with this concept for quite some time, and I still remain defensive about it. I don’t really think you can ever be TOO nice to anyone. The fact of the matter is, no matter how undeserving and individual may be of your kindness, you have to accept the fact that in any case, you would want to be treated with the respect you are expected to give others. It’s a simple concept to comprehend, but a difficult one to put into practice it seems.  It is important to consider that you and any other person on this planet lead completely different lives. The hardships YOU face may mean absolutely nothing to any other person, and vice versa. In short, do unto others, as you would wish to be done unto you. Live it, don’t just say it. Have faith that things will get better in the end, that those that hurt you will face the wrath of Karma in the end. 

☮ ♥ & ♫

Large Order of Beauty... 'al naturale'

I want to know what kind of a world we live in where it’s ok to make young girls the victim of our socially generated definition of beauty. It’s cruel, it’s unfair, and it’s just plain unnecessary. As adults we are in control of ourselves. We choose what to eat, and whether or not to diet, and as a result we are often told what is healthy and what is not as far as those decisions go; but what about a child? They can’t choose to dye their hair or change their name to escape the outcast feelings they may have.

 Today I was literally almost brought to tears as I overheard a conversation between a young girl no more than six years old and her father at a Halloween store.  The little girl in question was black, thin, and had beautifully curly hair that was done up in braids. As our paths crossed while looking at Halloween costumes, I heard her say, “Daddy, I don’t like these costumes.” Bewildered, the father asked, “Why not honey?” and the little girl responded without hesitation, “ Well, all the girls in these costumes have straight hair. I can’t have hair like that.” And without a moment’s hesitation, my heart clenched beneath my ribcage and inevitably caused me to blurt out instantaneously, “Curly hair is much prettier. Everyone wants curly hair.” I smiled at the girl as she looked up at me innocently. Her father looked at me with a face that seemed to say, “thanks for the input, but no thanks,” and turned to her and said, “Curly hair is pretty sweetie…now let’s look over here for more costumes, these aren’t for little girls anyway.” The man proceeded to lead the girl away in another direction, away from the pictures that started it all. The little girl allowed herself to be led away, uttering no more words of question, just simply putting her head down eyes fixated on the blankness of the linoleum floor. I bit my lip in frustration for not being sure if I should have said anything at all. I felt sorry for the girl as she walked away. Poor thing. I felt that she needed to be enlightened on what real beauty was, and I was pretty sure she wasn’t going to get that speech from her father.

The experience at hand caused me to reflect a bit on how we perceive ourselves and how it differentiates from how others perceive us. I can’t recall how many times I’ve compared myself to the likes of a woman in an ad on T.V. or in a magazine and thought to myself, “I want to look like that” with a sigh of discontent. Why does that feeling of dissatisfaction or need for comparisons outweigh the honest and heartfelt compliments that are issued to us by other people in our lives? How does that seem logical?

All in all I think it’s about time to bring back the original dove beauty campaign. Yet I feel the need to expand farther out into the world that just bath and body / beauty products. I’m talking models, displays, art, etc. It’s not enough to just talk about these things its time to do. Because actions will always speak louder than words. 


☮ ♥ & ♫

To be or NOT to be... Stupid

DISCLAIMER: The following Blog is contextually complicated in its tactics to hide the identities of the people involved. I ask only that you read it slowly in order to fully comprehend what is being said about whomever I am attempting to speak of.

They say that stupidity isn’t crime. [Though many of us would like to indict otherwise.] Sadly, neither is a broken heart or being a victim of someone’s cruel mind games.

One of my biggest pet peeves is people who act like someone or something that they are not…namely, people who are fake and two-faced. I’ve had both the pleasure and the misfortune in meeting a great deal of people, some whom tragically fall into this specific category of jerk-off. What tends to irritate me most about these common folk is the fact that I don’t understand how their thought processes are truly validated.

Picture this for instance. You haven’t been given the ability to speak to a former dear friend in approximately 3 years—and no, it’s not from the lack of trying on YOUR behalf.—This singleton is the type who refuses to acknowledge your whole existence and denies the fact that he or she has ever even known you. He or she is also incapable of making decisions for him or herself and goes about his or her day putting you on blast to make him or herself seem better off. In addition—and this by golly is the kicker—he or she makes it a point to avoid you at all costs even if you happen to be in the same area code. Long story short, he or she has “spotters.” The minute you are realm of reality that has the potential to cross paths, they run. By this we learn that even if you invest effort into something, no matter how sincere, there is no guarantee that you’ll see any results…

Scenario number two. Say perhaps that you are interested in a particular creature—go with your own specific preference of gender or sex here—and you make it a point to get to know, befriend, and intimately study this being. Let’s say that for the most part there seems to be some sort of indefinable yet undeniable connection. In addition, THIS particular being, likes to sit on his or her hands whilst playing an epically long game of yo-yo with your heart and its emotions. OK? I don’t think so. Just because you deny it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Just because you intended it to mean something different, doesn’t meant that that’s the way it will be interpreted. Do yourself a favor buck-o, be honest and you might get something great out of it. But if you are truly not remotely interested…. Don’t continue to waste my or your time.

Stupidity; defined as the act of being tediously dull, lacking ordinary quickness and keenness of mind. Despite its clear definition, Stupidity still manages to maintain a variety of different forms; presumably any noun—proper or otherwise. Day in and day out, the American media feeds society a commercial form of stupidity. It subliminally influences the things people feel, think, and care about. It subconsciously convinces us that we need to look a certain way, date a certain type and believe a certain thing. Entertainment is no longer entertainment. It has become a sick embodiment of gossip and brainwashing; essentially, a paparazzo’s wet-dream. What happened to the days when the news consisted of something that actually had a direct impact on your life?

Though I’m not here to ignite a revolution, I’ve decided to make it a personal vendetta to get to the bottom of things. Long story short, I am going to continue to ask why…. In every aspect of life and its immediate surroundings…and If I don’t get an answer…. I will search for one until I do. You should do the same. Don’t turn your mind completely off just because it seems socially acceptable to do so. You have the right to have your voice heard and you have EVERY right to question why, so….. DO IT.

☮ ♥ & ♫

Media, Msyogny and Myth, OH MY!

**Disclaimer: I actually wrote this a couple of days ago, but I had to make some adjustments prior to publishing it.***

Being a woman is more than just wearing feminine clothes and make-up or even being anatomically different from males …however, some people choose to ignore that. I do not consider myself a feminist, but I do believe that as a result of our hyper-sexual, gender-role coveting, female objectifying society, a woman’s social contributions –whether it be in the form of anthropological find that alters history, or even an invention that makes day to day life easier to live—are commonly overlooked by whether the woman in question fits into a construction of beauty. Why is it that you have to be “beautiful” as a woman, in order to be taken seriously?

Last night I happened to stumble upon the most grotesque example of misogyny that I have seen in a great while. While most instances of this ideology [misogyny] are subliminal in nature, this was the most visibly obvious presentation. For those of you who are unaware of what the LFL is, let me lay it down for you. LFL stands for the Lingerie Football League. Yes, it is quite self explanatory in nature as far as what the “sport” is and what it entails…and quite honestly I’m disgusted. Ten different cities [some daring to represent whole STATES] have degraded their women into participating in this poor example of athletics. San Diego just happens to be a part of this practice alongside Los Angeles, Seattle, Dallas, Denver, Philadelphia, New York, Tampa, Chicago and Miami.

This organization embraces the idea of objectifying women. It makes it seem ok for other people, namely men, to view women in a way that makes them almost inhuman…practically like a mannequin. As I begrudged myself for even attempting to understand the LFL by watching a small portion of it last night I noticed something. As they panned the audience to show the organization’s support, 98% of them happened to be men; and of those 98%, approximately 60% were older than the 20-29 age range. The select women that happened to be in the audience seemed to be objectifying the players as well, however with a more admiring sense.

I happily applaud those who have chosen to take a stand against this injustice which is affecting women all around the world. These lies regarding beauty are being encompassed into media [TV shows, music, pictures and even dolls!] and on a constant basis being fed to young girls. However real artists like the very talented P!nk, have chosen to not only acknowledge but fight against it. Dove has also found their own way to combat these social ideals by launching a very successful NATURAL BEAUTY campaign.

I encourage men across the world to look for a woman who doesn’t have to WORK to be beautiful. A woman who is beautiful inside and out without make-up or a fake attitude/ body parts to play it off as real. The lord knows you will be happier with a woman that is genuine and natural compared to a woman that is not, anyway. Challenge yourselves to see beneath the skin and absorb the truth that is natural beauty. Give us “other” chicks a chance damn it. lol

☮ ♥ & ♫